I know I have asked this question before and posted on it, my Past even tho I don't want it to has chained me up in so many ways. Well I am trying to start a new, I have moved in to an apartment that si supposed to help me express myself even more. I am going to be able to grill again something I have loved to do , Iam going to do some more research into it to, for I might be getting a smoker/grill . But I keep thinking other than that who am I I mean really ?
Well I am person who loves music yes as I had stated in my first blog about myself. I am using it even more now than ever. Mostly powerful music that creates a type of anger one which can gear you up for a battle not a fight. To explain it more I guess I have to say that I also love to play with swords and feel I was born in the wrong era . If I could get away with it I would kill, but not just to kill, to change things in the world today. If it is good for everyone I would do it, not for my own gain. I do live with anger right under my skin, and feel that I need to find someway to get it out of my system. I know goto a gym etc. well I am working on that a bit. It is still hard for me tho with not liking to be in groups, I really need support in that.
I still feel unwanted at times, and lonely even when I am around people who love me ( or at least claim they do ) .I could cry and say "why does Life have to be so had ! " but it is no good to just turn over and die. I will continue to fight. no I do not have nay close friends near me , but I have some wonderful friends out in cyber land lol . And someday hope to meet up with one or two of them. So am I better off than I was the first time I asked myself this question ? Yes I believe so , it is a slow but sire path I am taking and I have to say that I am ok with that as long as I keep it going forward and not backward.
So do I dream ? Yes I do , I day dream as well ;-) . I love to be the hero who helps out and puts the bad guy in their place. Mostly I use my dreams to blow off steam and control my anger. I used to go off so easy before , but now I take my time and will choose my form of expression. I am quiet, but when you get to know me I will do my best to make you laugh. I always bend over back wards for friends and do my best for them with what I can . I am weird yes but sometimes you need to be in order to survive. I am me and hope the real me will keep coming out day by day. So there you have it a little more on me lol . Only time will tell how well life goes for us all and for me how well I can become the person I need to be which in the long run is the person I want to be.
