1
Chapter 1
"Where's my protector?" kept echoing through his head as he patrolled the given area in his stinger. The year was 3028 and the world was no better off than it was when the countries formed the unity of the world. They thought that if the police forces had one law for the planet that crime would slow down, they were wrong.
You see by doing this it took awhile for the WPF ( World Police Force ) To make up their minds. Giving them the power to become universal made them into politicians, and that of course meant elections and rule voting. "rule voting ha!" he thought as he continued to ponder how in this world he could help the unfortunate, being the government still hadn't. While the WPF was counseling on the problem of world security they quickly passed a law which help ex-military men gain wealth and power for themselves.
The law stated that any military personnel who left the forces with honorable discharges could start a personal police force, and charge for their services. This of course meant that the wealthy would be well watch over, but the common man had to work hard for his safety. These men were called "Protectors."
Ruke was one such protector who worked for a sector in the United States. He was just leaving a capture site in the slums of a small city when he heard the child say that fraze. It stuck in his head and wondered how he would answer next time. Ruke had just started in the organization and didn't have the money to start his own for the underprivileged. He was only sixteen when the Protectors were introduced as a crime deterrent, and remembers seeing a young man ask for help in an armed robbery. As he watch the young man get shot the protector stood by and watch.
When the media got involved they asked the protector why he didn't help? he said" I wasn't on his payroll." That stuck in Ruke's mind all the time , and he vowed to do right by those who could not afford the protector and were slipping through the cracks of the normal police force. Every protector owned his own stinger from the start, and Ruke was no exception to the rule. His stinger was an old model 3020 death marcher, it was called that because of the symbol of the grim reaper on the hood. Ruke made his into a 3d image and installed a 312 tommy to it for his power dives in the middle of the gang wars. He became well known as the grim one because of it and knocked down gang crime in his sector fast.
"Grim one this is the ghost, are you by your com?""Yea I'm here." The ghost was Slater, Ruke's best friend, and a believer in what Ruke wanted to see happen for the less fortunate."Are we going to get together at Bill's Babes or not?""I'll be there with bells on." "If you go in that way Bill will throw you out!"Always taking things to literal thought Ruke, But he wouldn't do a thing with out Slater who is one of the best wing man in the business. When there is a bomb scare you want him by your side. Funny thing is when there is a riot he always wants Ruke by his.
2
Bill's Babes was the local hang out of the protectors who worked for the big wig retired officers. Ruke liked it because everyone there was hard working like him, there were the few exceptions to the rule who slacked off but they kept their mouths shut in there and never spoke out of turn in fear they might get thrown out, and Bill who was a retired protector would not have them in there again. What made it real special were of course the "Babes", beautiful women who if you didn't treat with respect you lost your chances of ever going back in and seeing them again."ok, let's see who I can recruit tonight " Ruke thought as he enter the establishment. Just as he got thru the doors he heard a yell " Ruke! get over here!" It was Slater, who had found the most beautiful women in the place and was at a table waiting.
Ruke sat down and looked at Slater with his usual face as if Slater was calling all the shots and should not be. "Well are you going to introduce us Slater?" Said one of the women sitting down with him. " Oh yeah , Ruke this is Patti and Mandy, they are new at Bill's." Ruke smiled and said "Hi" Patti was a looker, she was 5'6" tall, blonde hair and crystal blue eyes that would cause anyone to lose their mind. Mandy was also very nice to look at she was shorter and had blonde hair as well. " Hey guess what Ruke! They are twins!" "Really?" " yes" the women said in unison and both laughed. Slater and Ruke looked at each other and laughed as well. "You know Ruke I think Mandy will go far! She seems to have all the right stuff to make it in this world today." When Slater says something like that Ruke knows he has picked her out of the two of course.
"Well Patti how long have you been here at Bill's?" Ruke asked her. He was glad Slater chose Mandy because he wanted Patti anyway, to at least get to know." Not long" she replied with a smile as she sipped her drink." Why did you decide to work here?"" Well, I have known Bill for quite a while and believe in the protectors, so I figured why not work for Bill." "hmmm you believe in the protectors?" " Yes at least those who want to help everyone and are not in it just for a paycheck." (Oh) thought Ruke and he looked towards Bill at the bar, Bill caught the look out of the corner of his eye and turned to Ruke and smiled as if he knew what was going on." Well is this your only job?" Ruke asked Patti. " For the moment unless someone asks me to do something worthwhile ."
"Enough business talk!" Shouted Slater." We are here to have fun so let's have fun!" Patti turned to Ruke and said " why not? I am not working tonight anyway." So they talked and drank and danced. Ruke will never forget that night and made a point not to forget Patti, and she in turn made sure Ruke would not forget her, for before the night was over she gave him her phone number and told him if he can think of something worthwhile to call her, even if he didn't. Because of that night's events he did not get to try and recruit anymore protectors to help him start his own station, but figured there would be other nights.
3
The next day Ruke went on patrol as usual and could not stop thinking about Patti, he vowed when his station was opened he would hire her as his communications officer, you don't have to have military training for that, just a six week course. The section of city Ruke was given was always a bad place and when they saw his stinger the people thinking of causing trouble stayed away. You see Ruke didn't care if the people he saw in trouble were on their payroll or not he would help, even tho it has gotten him in trouble a couple of times with his boss. "You are out there to help our customers! If you get hurt helping one of them I am out of money!" Ruke didn't care and picked his interference, and made sure people didn't know he got into trouble for it.
The radio rang out "Ruke you there?" "yeah what you got?" " A panic button at the Watson place, can you handle it?" " Yup on my way." It didn't take him long to get there, and when he did he saw Mr. Watson on the ground in front of his house, bloody and dazed." Are you ok sir?" Ruke asked, " yes I will be alright" " what happened?" " I don't know really, I was walking up to my house when bam! Someone hit me from behind then in the front as I fell down." " Did they get anything?" " Just my money in my pockets, oh and my pride" Mr. Watson said with a little smile trying to make sure Ruke understood he was ok. " well you should have that looked at, shall I call the medics?" "No, I will be alright, I just need some help inside." " I should try to find the person or people involved in this." Ruke said with concern trying to get Mr. Watson to go to the Hospital. " Don't worry ten to one it was someone who needed the money for his or her family."" Mr. Watson you sure you don't need treatment?" "yes I am sure, I will sign whatever you need me to ok ?" "Well I will call this in anyway." Ruke picked up his mic, " Base, Ruke here." " go ahead" " found Mr. Watson down, he is refusing treatment will have him fill out the proper forms and will also be here to monitor him for a while." " received, over and out." as Ruke turned to Mr. Watson he found him smiling, "Good we can talk then, we haven't talked in awhile."
Mr. Watson brought Ruke into his home, He was a kind old man who loved to hear about adventures in law enforcement and remembers stories about Policemen and how it used to be. He would tell Ruke about the old days and Ruke would tell him about his adventures. "Well now how goes the station?" " Not as fast as I would like sir." " oh why is that?" " Well funds are hard to come by and I have to ask my fellow protectors just right in order to convince any of them to turn to me when I am ready, I don't know what I will be able to pay them and most of them are here for the bucks" "really?" "Don't get me wrong they are good at what they do and most believe in what I believe in, but they want and need money to survive, some have families." "Well we can always start collecting funds you know?" "we?" "well I know a lot of people like me who believe very strong in what you want to do, and could consider it an allowable tax to help those unfortunate."
4
Mr. Watson knew what he was talking about his home was in a very bad part of town and for the most part people who live there left him alone because he tried to help them himself. Every weekend he had a huge cook out or cook in depending on the weather and had the people from his area come to it, the unfortunate who did not have enough to make ends meet. Many a time Ruke would show up to help serve people. His home was full of old beautiful things and he stated a long time ago he would not leave because he grew up there and this was a family home and his people needed him." Well Mr. Watson if you want to help who am I to stop you" He said with a smile for he knew Mr. Watson's reply. " That is right young man you can't stop me, I am your elder and you have to respect me!" They sat and talked about the old days over some tea and biscuits.
Later that day on a break Ruke desided to call Patti, "hello?" "Hi Patti it is Ruke" "Ruke how are you?" " I am good, are you working tonight?" " Yes." " Oh I thought maybe we could go out some time?" " Well Ruke why don't we talk about that tonight on my break." " Ok I will see you at Bill's then. " " Ok bye." " Bye." Ruke felt happy that Patti wanted to see him tonight and talk about going out. He hoped that it wouldn't be too busy so they could talk.
Ruke showed up at Bill's to be greeted by a warm smile, It wasn't Patti or even Bill, but Kathy, Bill's lady who help him run the bar and patched up the protectors who came in after a brawl or battle during the tour. Kathy was retired like Bill, but she was a doctor instead of a protector, that is how Bill and Kathy met, he had just stormed a building where he found out a gang had just killed their hostages and without a care in the world he went in blazing! Bill was one of the old school protectors who acted more like the police of old, caring about people more than a pay check. When he went to the hospital he was met by a doctor who told him off for running in like he did, when the doctor found out why she went up to him and kissed him, ever since they had been together.
Kathy was a beautiful woman, about six or seven years younger than Bill but beautiful eyes that steal your soul, and she holds the caring of the world in her heart. " Hello Ruke, looking for Patti?" "Hello you sweet thing you, yes I am " Ruke repiles with a wink in his eyes. "Now darling don't let Bill hear you he just might come out of retirement and take you on!" Kathy laughs as she says this, Ruke loves to flirt with Kathy because of her good nature and kindness, and he knows Bill well enough to know that it is ok for him, but many a protector has tried and gone to far and Bill has put them in their place! " Well Patti is out back, but I will get her for you." "Thank you Kathy."
5
As she leaves Bill comes out from the storage room with a case of beer." Ruke ! how the hell are ya!" I am fine Bill and you?" "Well if it wasn't for Kathy I probly would be six feet under! but she takes very good care of me so I am still kicking!" Just then Patti comes out from the back room. " Hello Ruke, I have a break in about ten mins can you wait?" " Sure" Bill watches the two exchange looks, just then Kathy comes up and puts her arms around Bill and smiles as she too watches the young couple. " Oh hell Patti, Take your break now, and take as long as you need." "Thank you Bill!" Patti says with a smile.
As the couple sit down at a table Kathy comes over with a bottle of wine and some glasses. " complaments of Bill" They smile and poured the wine. Ruke Told Patti how he wanted to start up his own protection angency and how it would help the under privledge. Patti seemed to be quiet interested, after explaining all the details Ruke asked the question he had wanted to ask of her, "Patti, would you come work for me as a communicator?" " I would love to Ruke, is that all?" "Well no,..... would you... what I mean is could we..... start seeing each other as well?" " I thought you'd never ask! Yes Ruke I want that!" " I am very glad Patti" Ruke says with a smile.
" You know Ruke Bill said we would make a good couple." Both of them look at Bill who has a very big smile on his face and they laugh." This means I want to help you with the angency more, more than just a commincator, I want to help you build it from the ground up!" " I would love that Patti, with you at my side I feel I can begin right now!" "Then lets do it!" " ok you're on!" They toast their decition and start to plan putting the agency together.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 30, 2013
The Protector
The Protector
By
William E. Wilson III
Preface
Everyone needs a protector, someone to help you through the bad times and celebrate the good times. A protector can be anyone even a stranger. In one way or another objects can become protectors also. Anyone who keeps a good luck charm has a protector of sorts. So the next time you throw salt over your shoulder or wish upon a star think about a protector.
Introduction
If you are reading this book you are already a part of history. What part of history I don't know, but the future realize on a group of people called Protectors who are like the police, but they don't act the same. With society growing everyday all kinds of citizens need some kind of security and more reassurance than the police can give. Their are still poor people and rich, the government still can't get everyone on an even plain( which is believable).
With that in mind, the citizens who get the most out of the system are the rich. It's not a perfect society, but it is the only one we got and it is still alive all over the world so we can't give up we just have to keep trying to make it better. We also can't forget that some people try harder than others.
By
William E. Wilson III
Preface
Everyone needs a protector, someone to help you through the bad times and celebrate the good times. A protector can be anyone even a stranger. In one way or another objects can become protectors also. Anyone who keeps a good luck charm has a protector of sorts. So the next time you throw salt over your shoulder or wish upon a star think about a protector.
Introduction
If you are reading this book you are already a part of history. What part of history I don't know, but the future realize on a group of people called Protectors who are like the police, but they don't act the same. With society growing everyday all kinds of citizens need some kind of security and more reassurance than the police can give. Their are still poor people and rich, the government still can't get everyone on an even plain( which is believable).
With that in mind, the citizens who get the most out of the system are the rich. It's not a perfect society, but it is the only one we got and it is still alive all over the world so we can't give up we just have to keep trying to make it better. We also can't forget that some people try harder than others.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
My Little Project
Ok I am going to see if I can do this lol , I am going to try and add some pics to this blog. Hopefully you have read my blog titled "Is This A Sign ?" if not this is where it is
http://oldmanbill.blogspot.com/2013/09/is-this-sign.html
Well as I said in it I would blog about what I have gotten with the money. Ok I decided that I would buy two pieces of wood to do some burning on, but first I needed to ask my father in law what his favorite old car and old truck is. You see I wanted to make an x-mass gift for him out of these two pieces of wood ! Ok so he tells me a 1956 Chevy ( I believe he was talking about a Bel - air ) and a 1936 Stewart Truck. So I go on the internet and find two pics
the 1956 Chevy.
I love working with wood and will have a blog later on about the woodshop I used to run out of my house years ago. I hope to have one again some day. But I am starting to get off the subject lol. So now that I have these nice two wood burnings I take it one step further and paint them. The 56' Chevy I used two mediums , one was acrylic paint and the other was ink, the ink was actually what you could call preset, in other words what I did was took some ink and let it start to separate so I had a thick base to work with and used a brush instead of a pen. It is called "sun - up blue" and the paints where just white and a metallic color called gun metal grey. It was supposed to be metallic silver but it was put in the wrong spot at the store and I didn't realize right away until the brush had already hit the wood. Yes I was not paying much attention at the time.
The 36' Truck I just used the paints and at this time I left the grill with the wood color instead of filling it in. I don't know for sure if I want to go all the way and fill it or not. Once I am done with both of them I will be putting on a couple of coats of polyurethane. Then placing some eye screws with fishing line so they can be hung up on the wall.
Now I know that my father in law won't see this because one; he does not have a facebook account. And two; he only goes on the internet to look up car parts lol so anyone connected with him I do ask that you please do not say anything to him! remember this is for x-mas ! I hope you enjoyed reading this blog as much as I did making it and the wood burnings !
http://oldmanbill.blogspot.com/2013/09/is-this-sign.html
Well as I said in it I would blog about what I have gotten with the money. Ok I decided that I would buy two pieces of wood to do some burning on, but first I needed to ask my father in law what his favorite old car and old truck is. You see I wanted to make an x-mass gift for him out of these two pieces of wood ! Ok so he tells me a 1956 Chevy ( I believe he was talking about a Bel - air ) and a 1936 Stewart Truck. So I go on the internet and find two pics
the 1956 Chevy.
and the 1936 Stewart Truck
Now all I need to do is make a template to use from these pics and transfer it to the wood with carbon paper. So I carefully trace them out and do the transfer. After that I get to the fun part ! The burning !
I love working with wood and will have a blog later on about the woodshop I used to run out of my house years ago. I hope to have one again some day. But I am starting to get off the subject lol. So now that I have these nice two wood burnings I take it one step further and paint them. The 56' Chevy I used two mediums , one was acrylic paint and the other was ink, the ink was actually what you could call preset, in other words what I did was took some ink and let it start to separate so I had a thick base to work with and used a brush instead of a pen. It is called "sun - up blue" and the paints where just white and a metallic color called gun metal grey. It was supposed to be metallic silver but it was put in the wrong spot at the store and I didn't realize right away until the brush had already hit the wood. Yes I was not paying much attention at the time.
The 36' Truck I just used the paints and at this time I left the grill with the wood color instead of filling it in. I don't know for sure if I want to go all the way and fill it or not. Once I am done with both of them I will be putting on a couple of coats of polyurethane. Then placing some eye screws with fishing line so they can be hung up on the wall.
Now I know that my father in law won't see this because one; he does not have a facebook account. And two; he only goes on the internet to look up car parts lol so anyone connected with him I do ask that you please do not say anything to him! remember this is for x-mas ! I hope you enjoyed reading this blog as much as I did making it and the wood burnings !
Monday, September 30, 2013
So The Goverment Is Shut Down
Well here it is 12:19 am and I am listening to C-SPAN. And what do I hear ? A lot of double talk from everyone of the people in our government. One blaming the other for the shutdown . Gee what should we do ? Well first off everyone of them should be voted out as soon as possible! While we are in shutdown everyone of them should be docked pay for everyday there is no government. It is their job and they are not doing it.
The more I think about it there should be a law where we can impeach each and every one of them for non-performance. Let's start to go one further, Let's start to bring jobs back to the USA and stop giving other countries our money. Also we need to remind these people in government they work for us ! They are not our bosses ! They are only there because we the people voted them in office.
Now with a lot of this said why will we never see any of this happening ? Because there are too many greedy people who make too much money and will do anything they can to keep making as much money as they can and leave the rest of us in the dust. I can see why the rest of the world sees us as money grubbing fat lazy people . Not enough of us have gotten up and done anything to change anything , Yes I am just as bad most of the time. I have my demons that force me into situations that can cause me to hide from my duties. I know that can be looked at as a no excuse reason.
So what do I do ? Well this is the only thing I can think of at this time to do is just blog and hope I can get enough people to think and maybe start a change. Bottom line who do I think is at fault for this Shutdown? All of them , both sides, and yes you can add all those big wig company owners who want to stay greedy and make as much money as they can. My biggest question when is enough, enough ?
The more I think about it there should be a law where we can impeach each and every one of them for non-performance. Let's start to go one further, Let's start to bring jobs back to the USA and stop giving other countries our money. Also we need to remind these people in government they work for us ! They are not our bosses ! They are only there because we the people voted them in office.
Now with a lot of this said why will we never see any of this happening ? Because there are too many greedy people who make too much money and will do anything they can to keep making as much money as they can and leave the rest of us in the dust. I can see why the rest of the world sees us as money grubbing fat lazy people . Not enough of us have gotten up and done anything to change anything , Yes I am just as bad most of the time. I have my demons that force me into situations that can cause me to hide from my duties. I know that can be looked at as a no excuse reason.
So what do I do ? Well this is the only thing I can think of at this time to do is just blog and hope I can get enough people to think and maybe start a change. Bottom line who do I think is at fault for this Shutdown? All of them , both sides, and yes you can add all those big wig company owners who want to stay greedy and make as much money as they can. My biggest question when is enough, enough ?
Is This A Sign ?
I was going to write a blog about used too, I think I had written one already , as in used to play guitar, used to do artwork, etc. Well Today I got a nice surprise. You see a long time ago we used to have a bank account with BOA ( Bank Of America) . And they had a funny system of making huge overdraft fees by taking a list of payouts and instead of taking them by date, they took them by size. So if you had three for $25.00 and one for $75.00, they would take the $75.00 first then the $25.00 afterwards, which meant of for some reason you only had $75.00 in your Account then you would get hit with three overdrafts instead of one. This caused a lot of people to have accounts way into the negative.
Well they finally got taken to court about this over a year ago , and they lost. We thought that because our account was left in the negative that we would not get any money from them. But low and behold today in the mail we got a check ! Ok now let me drop back a bit lol I guess I got carried away with this lol. For a little over a week I have had my facebook deactivated and those who know the wife have not said anything as in where am I . Well for the past couple of nights I have been thinking about what can I do to get out of this huge slump I am in? I mean I am trying to reinvent myself so I can feel better about me. I know I am the only one who can do that.
One night I went on a drinking binge ( not a good idea ) . It did help me get some of my feelings out tho. I am realizing that I have to do things for myself to feel better even tho there are some things I can not change. I was thinking of dying my hair pitch black , going monotone again ( expressing no feelings what so ever I have done that before) . And of course when you have a racing mind it can think of all sorts of things. I realize in my marriage I might not have the passion I need but I do have love. So I guess that is going to be a hard road still for me, but if I can put that on the back burner somehow and just keep going forward with other things I used to like to do maybe I can start to finally do better !
Ok back to here and now ! I am looking at this check ( which was for $182.00 ) as a good sign, an omen to go for it ! We decided to split it right down the middle so I have $91.00 in which to do what I want ! And I think I am going to write about each purchase and why as well ! I haven't bought anything yet, but will be soon, maybe tomorrow or tonight, but like I said I will be writing about it when I do. I feel good about it too, all our bills are up to date and I am ready to start fresh ! One thing I will tell you I am buy from some money I had saved before ( because I can lol ) Is a rock hammer, I am going to start a new hobby of collecting certain kinds of rocks. More on that in future blogs as well :-)
Well they finally got taken to court about this over a year ago , and they lost. We thought that because our account was left in the negative that we would not get any money from them. But low and behold today in the mail we got a check ! Ok now let me drop back a bit lol I guess I got carried away with this lol. For a little over a week I have had my facebook deactivated and those who know the wife have not said anything as in where am I . Well for the past couple of nights I have been thinking about what can I do to get out of this huge slump I am in? I mean I am trying to reinvent myself so I can feel better about me. I know I am the only one who can do that.
One night I went on a drinking binge ( not a good idea ) . It did help me get some of my feelings out tho. I am realizing that I have to do things for myself to feel better even tho there are some things I can not change. I was thinking of dying my hair pitch black , going monotone again ( expressing no feelings what so ever I have done that before) . And of course when you have a racing mind it can think of all sorts of things. I realize in my marriage I might not have the passion I need but I do have love. So I guess that is going to be a hard road still for me, but if I can put that on the back burner somehow and just keep going forward with other things I used to like to do maybe I can start to finally do better !
Ok back to here and now ! I am looking at this check ( which was for $182.00 ) as a good sign, an omen to go for it ! We decided to split it right down the middle so I have $91.00 in which to do what I want ! And I think I am going to write about each purchase and why as well ! I haven't bought anything yet, but will be soon, maybe tomorrow or tonight, but like I said I will be writing about it when I do. I feel good about it too, all our bills are up to date and I am ready to start fresh ! One thing I will tell you I am buy from some money I had saved before ( because I can lol ) Is a rock hammer, I am going to start a new hobby of collecting certain kinds of rocks. More on that in future blogs as well :-)
Saturday, September 28, 2013
My Trip To Walmart
Ok I am writing a little differently today. I thought I would try and do a period piece lol. Well tomorrow I have a birthday party to go to ( my granddaughter's ) so I needed to pick up a card. I also have a three gallon fish tank at home waiting for some fish! I have decided to go back to my old way of relaxing by having some of those enjoy full creatures around. Well the closest place to go here is Walmart.
My Son needed to get a birthday gift as well so I went by Burger King where he works to pick him up. I got there a little early and decided to try their new fries called "Sater", now I don't know if it was the fries or the sprite I had but one of them played havoc with my intestines! You see I only drink water, sometimes milk but have cut soda out for a long time. So I don't know if that is what hit me wrong of those new fries. I will have to try them again without soda to be sure.
We get to Walmart and I figure I would go to the pet department first and what do I see but the same sign I had seen for three days "At This Time We Can Not Sell Any Fish" . Well I decided to go to the service desk and find out what is going on . I asked a person there and they did not know so I had them ask a store manager. Well come to find out all of their fish are sick and they are waiting on medicine for them. I tell you that is not good business. I know what probably happen. They probably got some sick fish and only used one net for all the tanks and now all the fish are sick. Having helped build the live animal department in the Berkshire Museum and then worked in there for a year even I know you should use separate nets for each tank you have.
Ok so that idea was shot down. I went and got a card for my granddaughter which I think she would like and ended up bumping into my other daughter and her daughter as well. I love my grandkids and always love to see them. My granddaughter came running up to me and gave me a big hug. That is one of the best feelings in the world to have a little one give you a sincere hug. I told her about the fish and what I thought happened and she agreed with me ( my daughter that is ). As we were walking thru the store my daughter ended up tripping on the floor, it had bubbled up. This is a Walmart which is being expanded to a super center! I am just glad she did not fall and hurt herself.
So I guess some time this week it will be time to go to another store to get some fish ( maybe petco? ) I will not get any fish from Walmart now that is for sure.
My Son needed to get a birthday gift as well so I went by Burger King where he works to pick him up. I got there a little early and decided to try their new fries called "Sater", now I don't know if it was the fries or the sprite I had but one of them played havoc with my intestines! You see I only drink water, sometimes milk but have cut soda out for a long time. So I don't know if that is what hit me wrong of those new fries. I will have to try them again without soda to be sure.
We get to Walmart and I figure I would go to the pet department first and what do I see but the same sign I had seen for three days "At This Time We Can Not Sell Any Fish" . Well I decided to go to the service desk and find out what is going on . I asked a person there and they did not know so I had them ask a store manager. Well come to find out all of their fish are sick and they are waiting on medicine for them. I tell you that is not good business. I know what probably happen. They probably got some sick fish and only used one net for all the tanks and now all the fish are sick. Having helped build the live animal department in the Berkshire Museum and then worked in there for a year even I know you should use separate nets for each tank you have.
Ok so that idea was shot down. I went and got a card for my granddaughter which I think she would like and ended up bumping into my other daughter and her daughter as well. I love my grandkids and always love to see them. My granddaughter came running up to me and gave me a big hug. That is one of the best feelings in the world to have a little one give you a sincere hug. I told her about the fish and what I thought happened and she agreed with me ( my daughter that is ). As we were walking thru the store my daughter ended up tripping on the floor, it had bubbled up. This is a Walmart which is being expanded to a super center! I am just glad she did not fall and hurt herself.
So I guess some time this week it will be time to go to another store to get some fish ( maybe petco? ) I will not get any fish from Walmart now that is for sure.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
HURT
"Hurt"(originally by Nine Inch Nails)
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
[Chorus:]
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
[Chorus:]
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
[Chorus:]
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
[Chorus:]
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Monday, September 16, 2013
Birth Of Darkness
The pain is heavy
No one helping the load
Brief moments of relaxation
Only to double the growth
I have given up on change
Too many years have passed
To only thicken the scars on my heart.
WEW3
No one helping the load
Brief moments of relaxation
Only to double the growth
I have given up on change
Too many years have passed
To only thicken the scars on my heart.
WEW3
Thursday, September 12, 2013
The Egg Shell
The Egg Shell
Just leave me here
Let me bleed
Let me feel the need
Darkness has become my friend
Where this is going
I see no end
This has been my life
and seems it will always be
WEW3
Thursday, September 5, 2013
hello
ok a quick blog for my wonderment lol how many people read my blogs ? Please post a comment.
Thanks .
Thanks .
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Two Question Study
Ok some of you know that I decided to do a two question study. Well the two questions I picked came to my on the same night. The first one was "If you had 12 hours where nothing was illegal what would you do ?" Well I kinda post this on my FB page and got an interesting answer and that answer is what prompted me to do the study. The second question was "What should you not do Nude?" It was a question which popped up soon after I saw the other and thought it would be good to throw in.
Ok Both questions gave me some interesting answers! As I looked upon question one's answers I realized that If aloud the majority of people would commit some major crimes. I pulled 19 People 8 males 11 females. I tried to make the numbers closer but did not get enough people to respond and didn't want to wait any longer to go over my results. The age range of the people asked was from 18 to 63. Some people only gave me one crime answers some gave me more than one. I had one person give me a broad answer so what I did in my counting was add one to every crime I had listed that fit that answer. Here are the crimes and their counts.
Murder 6
Robbery 7
Torture 2
Kidnap 3
Assault 2
Vandalism 2
Prostitution 2
Polygamy 2
Vehicle 3
Nudity 2
Open container 2
One might say that Morals have gone out the window. Well Most of the murders where fraze as killing someone who had done them wrong. Actually most of the crimes where to get back at someone. Even one of the robberies was fraze as "Big Bank Embezzlement." So as you see a lot of self interest here. But I had one (and to be honest the one that made me want to do this study) which was "Kill all the pedophiles." I was taken back by the answer to be honest , to me it was a pleasant relief to see that someone was thinking of others in such a way. I also had one that said "Pray because what I would do would be too shocking" I really want to know what would be too shocking but as I did not ask everyone any other questions or to elaborate on their answers I felt I shouldn't do to one and not the other ( but I still want to know ) . Most answered with what I would call one time answers as in the crime is done and it is over. I did have a couple of answers which I feel the people where not thinking of the time limit and would have to account for their crimes after the 12 hours were up.
Now question two was more of a fun question and it was. But I also realized that some of us have tunnel vision with somethings like this question. I did not break it down like I did with the first one but saw that most of us ( yes us I answered both questions myself before I asked anyone else them ) would give a simple one subject answer and not think it thru as much. I had about 5 people state Run outside which in my books covers everything you should not do that would involve the public, would they be more daring inside their own homes? I don't know because I did not ask any follow up questions. Most everyone else put some interesting answers. I am going to post the answers to the questions now I hope everyone enjoys this post , and thank you again to those who volunteered .
Question One;
Pray because what I would do would be too shocking.
Drive car w/o License.
Marry a bunch of girls different ages (reason) So I would always have a young wife.
Kill all the pedophiles.
Steal a nice truck and have some fun off roading on the road.
Kill Ex
Murder everyone who has done me wrong.
Hire a Hooker.
Destroy some one's property that pissed me off.
Kidnap a few People and hire someone to torture them.
Kill a few people and rob a bank.
Murder/ Rob a bank
Walk around anywhere I want to with my Beer.
Everything but rape, murder , harm children.
Beat the hell out of some people.
Take kids/grand kids and kill everyone who ever hurt me and them.
Steal a souped up car , speed down the highway at max speed getting the best rush ever. Pick up friends, rob a bank and shop like crazy.
Big Bank Embezzlement.
Laying by the pool naked.
Speed when driving.
Question Two;
Run outside.
Walk around public nude.
Nothing that will dose or could have family witness.
Cook hot dogs on the grill.
Chainsaw.
Go to a party.
Welding.
Anywhere near poison ivy or anything poisonous that may bite or cause a rash.
Go to work.
Deep fry foods.
Jog.
Down the street.
Anything that ain't sexual.
Eat.
Have no clue.
No nude beach.
Walk down main street.
Go Shopping.
I hope everyone has as much fun with this study as I did and found it just as interesting too.
Ok Both questions gave me some interesting answers! As I looked upon question one's answers I realized that If aloud the majority of people would commit some major crimes. I pulled 19 People 8 males 11 females. I tried to make the numbers closer but did not get enough people to respond and didn't want to wait any longer to go over my results. The age range of the people asked was from 18 to 63. Some people only gave me one crime answers some gave me more than one. I had one person give me a broad answer so what I did in my counting was add one to every crime I had listed that fit that answer. Here are the crimes and their counts.
Murder 6
Robbery 7
Torture 2
Kidnap 3
Assault 2
Vandalism 2
Prostitution 2
Polygamy 2
Vehicle 3
Nudity 2
Open container 2
One might say that Morals have gone out the window. Well Most of the murders where fraze as killing someone who had done them wrong. Actually most of the crimes where to get back at someone. Even one of the robberies was fraze as "Big Bank Embezzlement." So as you see a lot of self interest here. But I had one (and to be honest the one that made me want to do this study) which was "Kill all the pedophiles." I was taken back by the answer to be honest , to me it was a pleasant relief to see that someone was thinking of others in such a way. I also had one that said "Pray because what I would do would be too shocking" I really want to know what would be too shocking but as I did not ask everyone any other questions or to elaborate on their answers I felt I shouldn't do to one and not the other ( but I still want to know ) . Most answered with what I would call one time answers as in the crime is done and it is over. I did have a couple of answers which I feel the people where not thinking of the time limit and would have to account for their crimes after the 12 hours were up.
Now question two was more of a fun question and it was. But I also realized that some of us have tunnel vision with somethings like this question. I did not break it down like I did with the first one but saw that most of us ( yes us I answered both questions myself before I asked anyone else them ) would give a simple one subject answer and not think it thru as much. I had about 5 people state Run outside which in my books covers everything you should not do that would involve the public, would they be more daring inside their own homes? I don't know because I did not ask any follow up questions. Most everyone else put some interesting answers. I am going to post the answers to the questions now I hope everyone enjoys this post , and thank you again to those who volunteered .
Question One;
Pray because what I would do would be too shocking.
Drive car w/o License.
Marry a bunch of girls different ages (reason) So I would always have a young wife.
Kill all the pedophiles.
Steal a nice truck and have some fun off roading on the road.
Kill Ex
Murder everyone who has done me wrong.
Hire a Hooker.
Destroy some one's property that pissed me off.
Kidnap a few People and hire someone to torture them.
Kill a few people and rob a bank.
Murder/ Rob a bank
Walk around anywhere I want to with my Beer.
Everything but rape, murder , harm children.
Beat the hell out of some people.
Take kids/grand kids and kill everyone who ever hurt me and them.
Steal a souped up car , speed down the highway at max speed getting the best rush ever. Pick up friends, rob a bank and shop like crazy.
Big Bank Embezzlement.
Laying by the pool naked.
Speed when driving.
Question Two;
Run outside.
Walk around public nude.
Nothing that will dose or could have family witness.
Cook hot dogs on the grill.
Chainsaw.
Go to a party.
Welding.
Anywhere near poison ivy or anything poisonous that may bite or cause a rash.
Go to work.
Deep fry foods.
Jog.
Down the street.
Anything that ain't sexual.
Eat.
Have no clue.
No nude beach.
Walk down main street.
Go Shopping.
I hope everyone has as much fun with this study as I did and found it just as interesting too.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
What Do I Want ?
Ok I am sitting here and doing a lot ( and I mean a lot ) of thinking. After going over where I am now I started to think , what do I want ? Dam good question huh lol I am sure it would be the first one asked to me from a lot of people .
Hmmm, well first thing would be what I lost some time ago and that is the feeling of passion. I am a very emotional person and as I have stated before in some of my blogs music is a huge part of my life I feed off of it like a starving person. Well part of that is also touch. Not just a hand holding thing either, tho that is awesome in it's own right. But the kind that goes with passion itself. To look into one's eyes and see the wanting feeling and then the pleasure in their eyes by being touched, kissed and embraced. I haven't even talked about sex lol, but of course that is there . The eyes are the soul of a person and to see into ones soul when doing anything and knowing they feel the same way you do is an awesome thing to go thru .
I could make out for long periods of time and just look deep into one's eyes and melt. That is the unltimate feeling to me, eyes of passion. Not eyes that are far away or seem to be doing anything because they believe it is part of their "duty". The wanton is the best. I could probably write a whole book on this but I think I should continue before I drive myself crazy ( opps too late already there lol ).
So besides that what do I want ? Energy ! Yes energy to be able to get up in the morning and say "ok World ! Here I come ! " but atlast I have none . Why ? I am still working on that I think even tho I might feel I am not depressed I probably am and need to get out of the funk that stays with me all the time. I know that passion can give me energy and make me want to be up everyday but I guess for now I have to work around that lol. I see I lol a lot, well I guess that is my defenses, if I can cry ( which I can't) I might as well laugh. I am sure a lot of people agree that energy is very important.
I want something to look forward to . I am sure that having this would give me energy as well. But right now I really don't look forward to much but sleeping. I know the signs of depression, and yes I have them. Maybe by writing this it will help a little who knows. I have thought even having someone to look forward to on the internet might help? I need laughs , understanding, good conversations lol . I know some are going to say what is up with your wife. Well ...... she has her world and I have mine I guess, we have tried to make time and I have waited for her but things slip her mind and I am not one to keep asking , I feel after 29 yrs I should not have to ask all the time. She loves me in her own way I guess , and I guess that is not one of them. Things are so complicated I guess a person would have to be me in my shoes.
Ok last thing I guess is excitement ! I want my heart to race, I want to be able to say "YES!" in my mind before during and afterward. Someone once said Variety is the spice of life, well bring it on! Yeah I could just say what the hell and go out and try to find it, and I might one of these days soon. But now a days you have to be so careful not to offend people because if you do the wrong thing( or at least in their eyes) then you get labeled, and I am tired of being labeled. I have been labeled a bad person and don't really know why.
How you ask? I will tell you . At some point in time my father took it upon himself to tell family members ( how many I do not know) that I did something bad to my wife ( what I do not know) I never knew this until after he had passed away and my aunt came up to me and said " You better be treating your wife better!" I looked at her and asked why she said that, and I get " all I am going to say is that your father told me how you were treating her and how good of a wife you have and I better not hear of you treating her like that anymore." ( anymore ? like I knew what she was talking about ) To make matters worse when my mother passed at her funeral my aunt turns to my son and says " Is your father treating your mother good ?" which he of course says yes, she then says "he better." This is Ten years after my father had pasted away. So what do I get ? I get form my son "Dad did someone in the family treat their wife bad ?" to which I have to explain to him how I was approached by my aunt. Even from the grave my father gets to attack me :-/ ( yes I put that face there )
So there you have it I guess I was in a writing mode tonight, thanks you for reading and I hope you understand. I am already thinking of processes to go thru to get where I want to be but some I know might be long and slow but I guess I have no way but up to go from here.
Hmmm, well first thing would be what I lost some time ago and that is the feeling of passion. I am a very emotional person and as I have stated before in some of my blogs music is a huge part of my life I feed off of it like a starving person. Well part of that is also touch. Not just a hand holding thing either, tho that is awesome in it's own right. But the kind that goes with passion itself. To look into one's eyes and see the wanting feeling and then the pleasure in their eyes by being touched, kissed and embraced. I haven't even talked about sex lol, but of course that is there . The eyes are the soul of a person and to see into ones soul when doing anything and knowing they feel the same way you do is an awesome thing to go thru .
I could make out for long periods of time and just look deep into one's eyes and melt. That is the unltimate feeling to me, eyes of passion. Not eyes that are far away or seem to be doing anything because they believe it is part of their "duty". The wanton is the best. I could probably write a whole book on this but I think I should continue before I drive myself crazy ( opps too late already there lol ).
So besides that what do I want ? Energy ! Yes energy to be able to get up in the morning and say "ok World ! Here I come ! " but atlast I have none . Why ? I am still working on that I think even tho I might feel I am not depressed I probably am and need to get out of the funk that stays with me all the time. I know that passion can give me energy and make me want to be up everyday but I guess for now I have to work around that lol. I see I lol a lot, well I guess that is my defenses, if I can cry ( which I can't) I might as well laugh. I am sure a lot of people agree that energy is very important.
I want something to look forward to . I am sure that having this would give me energy as well. But right now I really don't look forward to much but sleeping. I know the signs of depression, and yes I have them. Maybe by writing this it will help a little who knows. I have thought even having someone to look forward to on the internet might help? I need laughs , understanding, good conversations lol . I know some are going to say what is up with your wife. Well ...... she has her world and I have mine I guess, we have tried to make time and I have waited for her but things slip her mind and I am not one to keep asking , I feel after 29 yrs I should not have to ask all the time. She loves me in her own way I guess , and I guess that is not one of them. Things are so complicated I guess a person would have to be me in my shoes.
Ok last thing I guess is excitement ! I want my heart to race, I want to be able to say "YES!" in my mind before during and afterward. Someone once said Variety is the spice of life, well bring it on! Yeah I could just say what the hell and go out and try to find it, and I might one of these days soon. But now a days you have to be so careful not to offend people because if you do the wrong thing( or at least in their eyes) then you get labeled, and I am tired of being labeled. I have been labeled a bad person and don't really know why.
How you ask? I will tell you . At some point in time my father took it upon himself to tell family members ( how many I do not know) that I did something bad to my wife ( what I do not know) I never knew this until after he had passed away and my aunt came up to me and said " You better be treating your wife better!" I looked at her and asked why she said that, and I get " all I am going to say is that your father told me how you were treating her and how good of a wife you have and I better not hear of you treating her like that anymore." ( anymore ? like I knew what she was talking about ) To make matters worse when my mother passed at her funeral my aunt turns to my son and says " Is your father treating your mother good ?" which he of course says yes, she then says "he better." This is Ten years after my father had pasted away. So what do I get ? I get form my son "Dad did someone in the family treat their wife bad ?" to which I have to explain to him how I was approached by my aunt. Even from the grave my father gets to attack me :-/ ( yes I put that face there )
So there you have it I guess I was in a writing mode tonight, thanks you for reading and I hope you understand. I am already thinking of processes to go thru to get where I want to be but some I know might be long and slow but I guess I have no way but up to go from here.
Where am I now ?
Well I guess I have done some soul searching lol ( that is a laugh) and all I can think about is where am I now? Well it might sound like a pity party but here it goes.
For one I am at a cross roads, why well because the woman I am in love with says she is in love with me but does not want any kind of romantic relationship. I am a man and like most men I will sometimes crave sex. Now I know she is being faithful to me because we hardly ever spend any time apart. Hell she works with our kids so she can't even say "Oh I got called into work" and then slip away. So where does that leave me ? Yes with my mind , my computer , but after a while that gets to be boring. We cuddle ( which in it's own right gets frustrating ) So where am I now? left alone with my thoughts and just alone in general. I love her enough not to force the issue and to live in despair I guess ( yeah pity party)
Part two family, well this is or should I say has been an on going thing , I reach out and nothing in return. I have a couple members of my family that I can talk to and sometimes meet up with. But the rest , umm nope . Ok so I have learned to live with that . Funny thing is I have learned to live with that easier than the other . I am greatfull tho to have gotten back in touch with a niece who has been out of my life for a good part of hers. I am thankful that we have a lot in common as well. So I will put my energy into making a strong relationship with her. So where am I now? In the hopes of a new relationship with a lost loved one.
Part three friends, Well I have a few but none that are frequent visitors. I have a coffee buddy who I meet every so often. I best friend who I talk to on FB (everyone knows what FB is right? ) But to say I have a close friend ( much different than a best friend ) I do not . I used , she started out as my wife's friend and became both of ours close best friend. But unfortunately she passed away some time ago and neither of us has had one since. I feel no matter what you need at least one friend to help you get thru life no matter what, and to have a close friend is very important ! One who can understand where you are coming from and wants to be there all the time for you. (of course as long as it does not interfere with their own relationships which should be important too) So where am I now? Still looking for that one in a million again ( ok this would be two in a million lol )
If you have read any of my other blogs then you know the demons I live with, and they are no help to me in this situation I have found myself in. Some my old thoughts have been slowly creeping back into my head. They are the ones which don't harm other but yes could harm me. They are the ones which used to help me not harm others . Oh and also Just as a side note, I am not posting these on FB anymore because well my last blog did cause me to lose a couple of friends, yes even tho I know that if they were true friends they would not have deleted me, but I feel my true friends will find my blogs even if I don't post them there. They will be following me and reading up on my thoughts etc.
Ok to some it up ( being I was getting off subject lol )
Where am I now ?
Alone with my thoughts, my demons, my hopes.
I promise to my friends who read this, I will not disappear. I will give it some thought. and look for my next Blog
Where Do I Go From Here ?
For one I am at a cross roads, why well because the woman I am in love with says she is in love with me but does not want any kind of romantic relationship. I am a man and like most men I will sometimes crave sex. Now I know she is being faithful to me because we hardly ever spend any time apart. Hell she works with our kids so she can't even say "Oh I got called into work" and then slip away. So where does that leave me ? Yes with my mind , my computer , but after a while that gets to be boring. We cuddle ( which in it's own right gets frustrating ) So where am I now? left alone with my thoughts and just alone in general. I love her enough not to force the issue and to live in despair I guess ( yeah pity party)
Part two family, well this is or should I say has been an on going thing , I reach out and nothing in return. I have a couple members of my family that I can talk to and sometimes meet up with. But the rest , umm nope . Ok so I have learned to live with that . Funny thing is I have learned to live with that easier than the other . I am greatfull tho to have gotten back in touch with a niece who has been out of my life for a good part of hers. I am thankful that we have a lot in common as well. So I will put my energy into making a strong relationship with her. So where am I now? In the hopes of a new relationship with a lost loved one.
Part three friends, Well I have a few but none that are frequent visitors. I have a coffee buddy who I meet every so often. I best friend who I talk to on FB (everyone knows what FB is right? ) But to say I have a close friend ( much different than a best friend ) I do not . I used , she started out as my wife's friend and became both of ours close best friend. But unfortunately she passed away some time ago and neither of us has had one since. I feel no matter what you need at least one friend to help you get thru life no matter what, and to have a close friend is very important ! One who can understand where you are coming from and wants to be there all the time for you. (of course as long as it does not interfere with their own relationships which should be important too) So where am I now? Still looking for that one in a million again ( ok this would be two in a million lol )
If you have read any of my other blogs then you know the demons I live with, and they are no help to me in this situation I have found myself in. Some my old thoughts have been slowly creeping back into my head. They are the ones which don't harm other but yes could harm me. They are the ones which used to help me not harm others . Oh and also Just as a side note, I am not posting these on FB anymore because well my last blog did cause me to lose a couple of friends, yes even tho I know that if they were true friends they would not have deleted me, but I feel my true friends will find my blogs even if I don't post them there. They will be following me and reading up on my thoughts etc.
Ok to some it up ( being I was getting off subject lol )
Where am I now ?
Alone with my thoughts, my demons, my hopes.
I promise to my friends who read this, I will not disappear. I will give it some thought. and look for my next Blog
Where Do I Go From Here ?
Thursday, June 27, 2013
My Thoughts on hmm ... ..... Religion
Ok first and foremost if you are very religious please and I mean please do not read any further.
Now that I have said that I am in now why putting anyone down for their thoughts on religion. I am just asking anyone who reads this to have an open mind where religion itself is concerned. I myself am a Golden Rulest . Simply put do unto others as you would have done unto you. Nothing more nothing less.
I was brought up basically as a preacher's son. My father helped start a church and when that church ex communicated my grandmother, my father left it and taught us from home. We learnt the bible ( King James' Version) front to back , back to front ( yes back to front) . As the years went by I guess you can say I rebelled. I become more interested in science and it of course did not agree with what I was taught from the bible itself. I could not believe that the earth was made in 6 days, and where were the dinosaurs put ?
I came to realize that the bible was actually made by an emperor ( Constantine ) who at the time wanted to create one major religion so he called all the bishops together and had them go thru the dead sea scrolls and decide which ones were good enough to become part of the bible, and all the others were left out to be discarded. ( this is a fact you can look it up ) so is born Christianity . Now you may say but Bill it takes faith ! you must believe in the writings that they put together ! Well those writings were also done by man. And one of my biggest questions I have had is why did the miracles stop ? How come we have to go by faith alone yet all the people from years back where shown they way ? just a thought . I have several of them too which I am sure I will voice if not now in later blogs.
So by me calling myself a Golden Rulest am I hedging my bet so to speak ? maybe , but what better way to live one's life than to treat one's fellow person like you would want to be treat ? I mean I would not want to be talked down to , or to be walked by when in need so why should I do the same ? I mean when it comes right down to it isn't that the main theme of religion ? to be kind to one another ? I know it is definitely the moral thing to do no matter what . And to be honest morals are the key to everything. I have heard people say if there is no god then the world would fall apart. Why? Why would morals have to be sacrificed if there was not a higher power ? There are still laws right ? And if a person thinks well I won't go to hell if I do this , well if it is bad enough you surely won't live long or be free to live your life .
I know there is a lot of what ifs in my way of thinking, but for the most part I think we all want structure in our lives, no we need it, if anything to keep us on a law bidding track. Now in the future I am going to go back to my studies of the bible and pose some questions to section of it for those that might be interested. I realize I might lose some friends from this blog and I understand and respect your feelings if that is how you feel. But remember I did warn you from the beginning of this and I hope those that have read this blog are still of open mind and interested in what I am writing. I am only giving food for thought and nothing more. But I personally hope that those who are interested have gain some perspective of where I am coming from and look forward to reading future blogs of mine on this subject. Please feel free to ask any questions of me and I shall do my best to answer them in kind.
Now that I have said that I am in now why putting anyone down for their thoughts on religion. I am just asking anyone who reads this to have an open mind where religion itself is concerned. I myself am a Golden Rulest . Simply put do unto others as you would have done unto you. Nothing more nothing less.
I was brought up basically as a preacher's son. My father helped start a church and when that church ex communicated my grandmother, my father left it and taught us from home. We learnt the bible ( King James' Version) front to back , back to front ( yes back to front) . As the years went by I guess you can say I rebelled. I become more interested in science and it of course did not agree with what I was taught from the bible itself. I could not believe that the earth was made in 6 days, and where were the dinosaurs put ?
I came to realize that the bible was actually made by an emperor ( Constantine ) who at the time wanted to create one major religion so he called all the bishops together and had them go thru the dead sea scrolls and decide which ones were good enough to become part of the bible, and all the others were left out to be discarded. ( this is a fact you can look it up ) so is born Christianity . Now you may say but Bill it takes faith ! you must believe in the writings that they put together ! Well those writings were also done by man. And one of my biggest questions I have had is why did the miracles stop ? How come we have to go by faith alone yet all the people from years back where shown they way ? just a thought . I have several of them too which I am sure I will voice if not now in later blogs.
So by me calling myself a Golden Rulest am I hedging my bet so to speak ? maybe , but what better way to live one's life than to treat one's fellow person like you would want to be treat ? I mean I would not want to be talked down to , or to be walked by when in need so why should I do the same ? I mean when it comes right down to it isn't that the main theme of religion ? to be kind to one another ? I know it is definitely the moral thing to do no matter what . And to be honest morals are the key to everything. I have heard people say if there is no god then the world would fall apart. Why? Why would morals have to be sacrificed if there was not a higher power ? There are still laws right ? And if a person thinks well I won't go to hell if I do this , well if it is bad enough you surely won't live long or be free to live your life .
I know there is a lot of what ifs in my way of thinking, but for the most part I think we all want structure in our lives, no we need it, if anything to keep us on a law bidding track. Now in the future I am going to go back to my studies of the bible and pose some questions to section of it for those that might be interested. I realize I might lose some friends from this blog and I understand and respect your feelings if that is how you feel. But remember I did warn you from the beginning of this and I hope those that have read this blog are still of open mind and interested in what I am writing. I am only giving food for thought and nothing more. But I personally hope that those who are interested have gain some perspective of where I am coming from and look forward to reading future blogs of mine on this subject. Please feel free to ask any questions of me and I shall do my best to answer them in kind.
Friday, January 25, 2013
More On Me
** Fair warning this post might be a little disturbing to some I don't know for sure , but I just have to write ( type lol ). **
I am listening to a CD I guess I had lost and definitely have not listened to in ages. Lots of songs which bring me back a bit . It really can't bring me back too far . And yes I guess I am going to get into the other story I mentioned back in my very first blog.
Let me start form the beginning or should I say my Beginning that I can, you see I do not have a childhood, or at least one that I can remember. Most of it is a blank, and for the most part what I do remember is not good. I am not saying that I don't remember some good things I do just not enough to be able to say there was a childhood. I am one of those people in therapy, no I do not say woe is me just stating the fact as you will see ( I hope).
I know a lot of people have had rotten childhoods and I guess in this way i am lucky that I can not remember mine and I am being very serious. If I try to remember it I get headaches and what I have found out ( confirmed by people in my life) I do not want to open the Pandora box. You see when I was a child my mother would take us kids out to play and being she did not know how to "control" me ( what I did at a young age for that to be used I do not know) she would tie me up to a tree or bush instead of keeping an eye on me and making sure I did not walk off or whatever it was I was doing that she felt deserved me being tied up litterly. One of my sisters would tie me up in a chair as well when she babysat me with my other sibling ( there was 7 of us in the house). My mother also tied me up and left me there when she walked my sisters to the bus stop.
I remember being slapped around in the bathroom and getting cut. Once blood was visible it stopped. I was tied up even while I was in elementary school so this was not just a little boy thing ( which as far as I am concerned is not right in any shape or form).
My father once caught me watching TV when I was supposed to be sleeping ( my bedroom was next to the living room at this time). He come bounding in and picks me up by my ankles hanging upside down and wales on me. I will say he did not punish that much but then again you would not want him too. I guess besides that there was only one other time that I felt not wanted by him no let me refraze that there was more , but the next to the worse was when our landlord sexually assaulted me and told me that if I would come over to his house and let him "play" with me he would give me money. I told my Mother and she said "go tell your father" ( I should have known) after I told him he turned to me and said " Don't worry about it, just forget it, we are moving anyways." You see I was born third to the last, and feel that he already had his son when my sister who was my Mother's second born his third was born.
He did everything with her, sports, cars etc. And by the time I was born he was tired and had became disabled. Now I have to say we did have our fishing trips and they were fun, but they were far and few in number and as I grew into my teens I was just a number, another mouth to feed.
My best times tho were with my sister who he did everything with , she did her best to take us kids out when she could ( us four youngest) and buy us stuff ( tho that did not matter but it was nice). Me and her did a lot of stuff together and like I said it was fun.I am sure I have forgotten some of the stuff because it was too close to other things my brain wants to keep out. My oldest sister by my mother also took me every now and then tho it didn't happen often ( not like she could have) They were smart as soon as they could find a way to leave they did. I hold no ill will against them for most of the stuff that happened they were not around to see and trust me I never talked about it ( you don't want to add more on yourself and back then that was the way it was) .
If you have made it this far in my blog Thank you. You know the more I think of it back then when I was a kid almost everything was hush hush. Your neighbor never talked about your other neighbor or at least not allowed and never was there any thoughts of "maybe we should call someone?" But also back then a lot of things were hidden . Marks were not seen or the stories were believed, Parents had more clout than kids. Some of the things I remember about myself were tell tale signs. This is hard to admit but a kid who would pee his pants in the fourth grade right in the class room was a big sign, but nothing happened . The most was "Poor kid there must be something wrong with him." and then I would find myself running up to my room to change before anyone caught me so I would not get punished for doing something like that and making my Mother look bad.
So at one point I finally get away and start to live my own life and things felt good. I had Friends, I had a social life. Met a beautiful young lady who I ended up marring and had a daughter, things seemed to be great ! Then my Father asks me to come back near him with the grand kids ( a son was born by then) and I thought yeah what harm is there , I am my own man now. Well we started living with my parents until we find a place and BANG started to feel like the little kid again ( only I was not making the connection at the time).
We moved out but not that far I started to black out and when I did I was angry ! I was told I never hit but would corner my wife and start yelling so loud that everyone could hear me no matter where they were ( neighbors). I kept working worked hard too and we finally bought a house. I had found a friend who was one of the most awesomest persons around filled the hole that I had at the time and things were back to being good. Then that friend moved away and I was once again alone ( or at least in my head I was) I broke down, tried to kill myself. This was the beginning of my awareness. Parts of my childhood flooded in bad parts that I have mentioned here. I became disabled, we lost the house.
Thru out it all the kids were taken care of ( all three had our last one when we moved up to this area ) . You see the more I think of it the signs were even there of course, I tried to kill myself when I was in high school , I tried to kill myself when we first moved back up and lived with my parents. After my breakdown there were other times I have tried also. Not until lately have I really understand what is going on but it still is a long journey for me and yes a hard one.
So where am I now? well I have PTSD, BI-Polar, Manic Depression, Manic Anxiety, Agoraphobic ( don't know if I spelled it right) . Living with these is very hard and I wish I was back in Pittsfield when I left my parent's house after I graduated. I had friends to party with or play cards at least. I do not now. I never thought about my childhood it was bottled up. Now the parts I know keep haunting me and I do not know how to get them to stop. I guess when all is said and done I just hope those who are interested enough to want to know me have and can understand how I am with some of my posts. If you have made it thru this whole blog thank you again and I consider you a good friend on the Internet :-) (ten to one you don't live near me and have not met me in person) .
I am listening to a CD I guess I had lost and definitely have not listened to in ages. Lots of songs which bring me back a bit . It really can't bring me back too far . And yes I guess I am going to get into the other story I mentioned back in my very first blog.
Let me start form the beginning or should I say my Beginning that I can, you see I do not have a childhood, or at least one that I can remember. Most of it is a blank, and for the most part what I do remember is not good. I am not saying that I don't remember some good things I do just not enough to be able to say there was a childhood. I am one of those people in therapy, no I do not say woe is me just stating the fact as you will see ( I hope).
I know a lot of people have had rotten childhoods and I guess in this way i am lucky that I can not remember mine and I am being very serious. If I try to remember it I get headaches and what I have found out ( confirmed by people in my life) I do not want to open the Pandora box. You see when I was a child my mother would take us kids out to play and being she did not know how to "control" me ( what I did at a young age for that to be used I do not know) she would tie me up to a tree or bush instead of keeping an eye on me and making sure I did not walk off or whatever it was I was doing that she felt deserved me being tied up litterly. One of my sisters would tie me up in a chair as well when she babysat me with my other sibling ( there was 7 of us in the house). My mother also tied me up and left me there when she walked my sisters to the bus stop.
I remember being slapped around in the bathroom and getting cut. Once blood was visible it stopped. I was tied up even while I was in elementary school so this was not just a little boy thing ( which as far as I am concerned is not right in any shape or form).
My father once caught me watching TV when I was supposed to be sleeping ( my bedroom was next to the living room at this time). He come bounding in and picks me up by my ankles hanging upside down and wales on me. I will say he did not punish that much but then again you would not want him too. I guess besides that there was only one other time that I felt not wanted by him no let me refraze that there was more , but the next to the worse was when our landlord sexually assaulted me and told me that if I would come over to his house and let him "play" with me he would give me money. I told my Mother and she said "go tell your father" ( I should have known) after I told him he turned to me and said " Don't worry about it, just forget it, we are moving anyways." You see I was born third to the last, and feel that he already had his son when my sister who was my Mother's second born his third was born.
He did everything with her, sports, cars etc. And by the time I was born he was tired and had became disabled. Now I have to say we did have our fishing trips and they were fun, but they were far and few in number and as I grew into my teens I was just a number, another mouth to feed.
My best times tho were with my sister who he did everything with , she did her best to take us kids out when she could ( us four youngest) and buy us stuff ( tho that did not matter but it was nice). Me and her did a lot of stuff together and like I said it was fun.I am sure I have forgotten some of the stuff because it was too close to other things my brain wants to keep out. My oldest sister by my mother also took me every now and then tho it didn't happen often ( not like she could have) They were smart as soon as they could find a way to leave they did. I hold no ill will against them for most of the stuff that happened they were not around to see and trust me I never talked about it ( you don't want to add more on yourself and back then that was the way it was) .
If you have made it this far in my blog Thank you. You know the more I think of it back then when I was a kid almost everything was hush hush. Your neighbor never talked about your other neighbor or at least not allowed and never was there any thoughts of "maybe we should call someone?" But also back then a lot of things were hidden . Marks were not seen or the stories were believed, Parents had more clout than kids. Some of the things I remember about myself were tell tale signs. This is hard to admit but a kid who would pee his pants in the fourth grade right in the class room was a big sign, but nothing happened . The most was "Poor kid there must be something wrong with him." and then I would find myself running up to my room to change before anyone caught me so I would not get punished for doing something like that and making my Mother look bad.
So at one point I finally get away and start to live my own life and things felt good. I had Friends, I had a social life. Met a beautiful young lady who I ended up marring and had a daughter, things seemed to be great ! Then my Father asks me to come back near him with the grand kids ( a son was born by then) and I thought yeah what harm is there , I am my own man now. Well we started living with my parents until we find a place and BANG started to feel like the little kid again ( only I was not making the connection at the time).
We moved out but not that far I started to black out and when I did I was angry ! I was told I never hit but would corner my wife and start yelling so loud that everyone could hear me no matter where they were ( neighbors). I kept working worked hard too and we finally bought a house. I had found a friend who was one of the most awesomest persons around filled the hole that I had at the time and things were back to being good. Then that friend moved away and I was once again alone ( or at least in my head I was) I broke down, tried to kill myself. This was the beginning of my awareness. Parts of my childhood flooded in bad parts that I have mentioned here. I became disabled, we lost the house.
Thru out it all the kids were taken care of ( all three had our last one when we moved up to this area ) . You see the more I think of it the signs were even there of course, I tried to kill myself when I was in high school , I tried to kill myself when we first moved back up and lived with my parents. After my breakdown there were other times I have tried also. Not until lately have I really understand what is going on but it still is a long journey for me and yes a hard one.
So where am I now? well I have PTSD, BI-Polar, Manic Depression, Manic Anxiety, Agoraphobic ( don't know if I spelled it right) . Living with these is very hard and I wish I was back in Pittsfield when I left my parent's house after I graduated. I had friends to party with or play cards at least. I do not now. I never thought about my childhood it was bottled up. Now the parts I know keep haunting me and I do not know how to get them to stop. I guess when all is said and done I just hope those who are interested enough to want to know me have and can understand how I am with some of my posts. If you have made it thru this whole blog thank you again and I consider you a good friend on the Internet :-) (ten to one you don't live near me and have not met me in person) .
Monday, January 21, 2013
The WWE Post One
OK now I was not going to do this for some time now, but while sitting here cracking some nuts ( of the eatable kind) I figured why not start it.
Now the WWE, Yes I am talking about wrestling. One of the memories I do have as a kid ( and yes this was a nice one) was of my sister Anita taking me to the Great Barrington Fair where I got to watch Bob Backlund wrestle the Iron Sheik ! It was great I was running around the ring all excited like a little kid would do :-).
That being said as years pasted I realized that all wrestling is , is a Man's version of a soap opera. Don't get me wrong those guys work very hard and have to be fit because they do some very dangerous stuff in and out of the ring. But if you really think about it the show has everything a soap opera would and even more at times. Yes sometimes the story lines get stale and some don't even make the grade when they start. But there is always something that keeps people going and I can always find a good laugh.
Alright now why did I say "Post One" ? Well that means I will be making this one of my regular blogs :-). Yes I have always liked Wrestling and probably always will lol. Let me start with my Favorite, The Undertaker, his story line fit my way of life I guess you could say. The fact that he could "come back from the grave". I thought for a while his brother Kane was going to take over in that matter but right now the most he does is cause fire to explode from the ring. They say Undertaker will be coming back and if so cool but from what I have heard he limits his appearances because of health reasons.
Now lets get into the here and now, I do watch "Monday Night Raw" and "Friday Night Smack Down" and let me tell you there are times I am like "you got to be kidding me" like right now let's talk about the "Shield". I have seen people ask "why doesn't anyone from out back run out right away and stop them?" Well if they did it would ruin the story line. You have to remember that they are there to cause turmoil and to get people mad and say boo. I know why am I explaining this lol. Well really in some ways I should not be doing that because it takes all the fantasy out of it. Well I guess one of the main reasons I decided to write this (or should I say type lol) is because Vince McMahon decided himself to up the anti and play a OOPS card , he states that if the Shield gets involved in the title match that a certain (CM Punk) will be stripped of his belt.
OK OK now on to CM Punk I knew he was turning "evil" as the say or the bad guy whichever lol. I so wanted to be able to whisper in his ear "welcome back to the dark side" lol . Of course tho his story line is getting stale , really he should just be evil now and not egotistical because we already know he has a big ego, he had that when he was a good guy lol, I am just waiting for when they change the story line and Paul Heyman turns on him lol .
I think I have ranted enough on this for today and look for more from me in the future. If you have any friends who are into wrestling please have them leave me questions or comments and I will gladly answer with my opinions. Remember all of this is just my own opinions :-).
Now the WWE, Yes I am talking about wrestling. One of the memories I do have as a kid ( and yes this was a nice one) was of my sister Anita taking me to the Great Barrington Fair where I got to watch Bob Backlund wrestle the Iron Sheik ! It was great I was running around the ring all excited like a little kid would do :-).
That being said as years pasted I realized that all wrestling is , is a Man's version of a soap opera. Don't get me wrong those guys work very hard and have to be fit because they do some very dangerous stuff in and out of the ring. But if you really think about it the show has everything a soap opera would and even more at times. Yes sometimes the story lines get stale and some don't even make the grade when they start. But there is always something that keeps people going and I can always find a good laugh.
Alright now why did I say "Post One" ? Well that means I will be making this one of my regular blogs :-). Yes I have always liked Wrestling and probably always will lol. Let me start with my Favorite, The Undertaker, his story line fit my way of life I guess you could say. The fact that he could "come back from the grave". I thought for a while his brother Kane was going to take over in that matter but right now the most he does is cause fire to explode from the ring. They say Undertaker will be coming back and if so cool but from what I have heard he limits his appearances because of health reasons.
Now lets get into the here and now, I do watch "Monday Night Raw" and "Friday Night Smack Down" and let me tell you there are times I am like "you got to be kidding me" like right now let's talk about the "Shield". I have seen people ask "why doesn't anyone from out back run out right away and stop them?" Well if they did it would ruin the story line. You have to remember that they are there to cause turmoil and to get people mad and say boo. I know why am I explaining this lol. Well really in some ways I should not be doing that because it takes all the fantasy out of it. Well I guess one of the main reasons I decided to write this (or should I say type lol) is because Vince McMahon decided himself to up the anti and play a OOPS card , he states that if the Shield gets involved in the title match that a certain (CM Punk) will be stripped of his belt.
OK OK now on to CM Punk I knew he was turning "evil" as the say or the bad guy whichever lol. I so wanted to be able to whisper in his ear "welcome back to the dark side" lol . Of course tho his story line is getting stale , really he should just be evil now and not egotistical because we already know he has a big ego, he had that when he was a good guy lol, I am just waiting for when they change the story line and Paul Heyman turns on him lol .
I think I have ranted enough on this for today and look for more from me in the future. If you have any friends who are into wrestling please have them leave me questions or comments and I will gladly answer with my opinions. Remember all of this is just my own opinions :-).
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
What I have been up to?
I know it has been a while since I have posted anything, well I actually did one thing I said I would ! My love of music has gotten me back into running my own radio station here on the Internet. It has music form the 60's up to the 21st century! I plan on having a talk show on it too but right now it is just music form 12 noon to 11 pm. here is the link for anyone interested.
http://decadesradio.listen2myradio.com/
I know it isn't a great big station but I have over 475 songs that play form different gene. Please let me know what you think and of course I can play requests too :-) I used to work at several radio stations in my day, WBRK/WRCZ in Pittsfield MA, I also worked at a high school station (WTBR) back then too. Then when I moved up in this area I worked for WINQ which was based in Winchendon, MA at the time and then WGAW from Gardner, MA. I am hoping there will come a day when I can get back into it full time ( talking on the radio ) for now I am happy with what I have, maybe if I get more listeners I can do more :-).
http://decadesradio.listen2myradio.com/
I know it isn't a great big station but I have over 475 songs that play form different gene. Please let me know what you think and of course I can play requests too :-) I used to work at several radio stations in my day, WBRK/WRCZ in Pittsfield MA, I also worked at a high school station (WTBR) back then too. Then when I moved up in this area I worked for WINQ which was based in Winchendon, MA at the time and then WGAW from Gardner, MA. I am hoping there will come a day when I can get back into it full time ( talking on the radio ) for now I am happy with what I have, maybe if I get more listeners I can do more :-).
Friday, January 4, 2013
I just had to repost this!
a good friend posted this in a forum we are in and I just had to share please read and enjoy :-)
The Mayonnaise Jar and Coffee
... When things in your life are almost too much to handle,
when 24 hours is just not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar,
and the coffee…..
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items
in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a
very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with
golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them
into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the
open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students
again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the
Jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once
More if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous
“YES”.
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the
table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you
to recognize that this jar represents you life. The golf balls are
the important things – your family, your children, your health,
your friends, and your favorite passions – things that if
everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would
still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your
House, and your car.
The sand is everything else – the small stuff. “If you put the
sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the
pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on
the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are
important.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children! Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your wife/husband/lover/friend out to dinner. Maybe even
play another 18. There is always time to clean the house and
fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and enquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just
goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there
is always room for a couple cups of coffee with a friend.”
The Mayonnaise Jar and Coffee
... When things in your life are almost too much to handle,
when 24 hours is just not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar,
and the coffee…..
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items
in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a
very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with
golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them
into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the
open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students
again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the
Jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once
More if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous
“YES”.
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the
table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you
to recognize that this jar represents you life. The golf balls are
the important things – your family, your children, your health,
your friends, and your favorite passions – things that if
everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would
still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your
House, and your car.
The sand is everything else – the small stuff. “If you put the
sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the
pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on
the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are
important.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children! Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your wife/husband/lover/friend out to dinner. Maybe even
play another 18. There is always time to clean the house and
fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and enquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just
goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there
is always room for a couple cups of coffee with a friend.”
Thursday, January 3, 2013
The New Year is Here
OK I guess I like others had to look back on the year behind me. It started out shall I say interesting? I found out that I might have had another son, but he did not want to find out if it was true. I spent about a week in the hospital on what we call "Floor 3" other places have other names for it . But it was for my mental health. I had some time ago found out I have PTSD and am Bi-POLAR. I also have other things which effect my mental health but at that point I needed to go in for even more health (and am glad I did). I lost my mother this past year in November, but had a grandson born in the beginning of that month. I am sure there were other things that happen but not as important right now I guess.
So what does the new year actually bring? Well I had decided not to do the resolution thing cause it never works out. But the very first day I end up having a stomach bug ( is this a sign of the times?) . It caused me to take to my bed for two days. I have made contact with a childhood friend which was a good thing ! It is nice to be able to reconnect with your past. I guess I am going to try and get by without the support I look for ( as mentioned in an earlier blog) and start to do things I have not done in a long time. Yes music will stay with me as it has been and always will be in some form or another. So it looks like it is a slow start , but I am looking forward to keep all my friends informed as to how I am doing !
So what does the new year actually bring? Well I had decided not to do the resolution thing cause it never works out. But the very first day I end up having a stomach bug ( is this a sign of the times?) . It caused me to take to my bed for two days. I have made contact with a childhood friend which was a good thing ! It is nice to be able to reconnect with your past. I guess I am going to try and get by without the support I look for ( as mentioned in an earlier blog) and start to do things I have not done in a long time. Yes music will stay with me as it has been and always will be in some form or another. So it looks like it is a slow start , but I am looking forward to keep all my friends informed as to how I am doing !
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)